Parenting is demanding – emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially. It begs for our attention, time, and effort. Our goal is to inspire you to recognize some of the emotional health and emotional challenges that moms of young children face and to get the support you need.
#7 Crying – Yours and Theirs
“Infant cry excites some adults, mothers included, to respond with empathy and care but others with neglect or even abuse….” “in a very short amount of time from the start of the cry, five seconds, they preferred to pick up and hold or to talk to their infant,” said Dr. Bernstein.
Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (pnas.org)
With the hormones and rush of feelings come the water-works. Psychological studies have found that on average, women cry two to five times a month, or three to five times more often than men, according to research reported by psychologists Ivan Nyklicek and Tilburg University in the Netherlands, in the book "Emotional Expression and Health". On an emotional level, our emotional health studies show that mothers of young children including newborns are more likely to burst into tears than fathers. we took into account the hormone imbalance, changes in body thermostat, the overwhelming feeling of caring for a child, and post-partum depression. What about their tears? Sometimes, hearing the cry of your little ones can unleash pain, dark memories, sadness, or anger in you. But for most moms, according to PNAS, it triggers empathy and compassion. Even if you cannot take away the pain of your little one, you can surely wipe her tears. If the tears trigger anger, your helplessness, or frustration, it is better to get medical attention. There is no shame in getting medical professional help. These triggers can be treated with therapy and medicine.
#6 Work-Life Balance
Is it really a balancing act? Work-life balance can be summed up in one principle: time management. Time management is a struggle - a major struggle. It appears that there is so much to do but so little time to get them all done. Most mothers find themselves having to pick between a career promotion or advancement or business expansion and being an effective and present mother. The price tag for both of these dreams is time. Time is our most valuable assets; then relationship, talents/gifts, and lastly resources/money. Don't forget that a stay-at-home mom is still a working mom. She just happens to be working solely at home. Next time you find yourself in a tough spot of picking one over the other - or the guilt - focus on priority. There may be times you have to sacrifice a child's soccer start game for an impending work deadline. Perhaps dad attends. Or aunt steps in to record the game for you. Other times, it is more important to be present at your child's graduation instead of lunch with your boss (even if the lunch would kick-start your chance of becoming partner). It is all about priority and making sacrifices.
#5 Choosy Eaters
Eating struggles (choosy eater): some children have food allergies. But there are child who are just 'choosy' eater; they have food preference, which makes preparing dinner challenging. What happens to your hormones when you work out in the kitchen for three hours (because let's be honest, depending on what you are cooking, walking back and forth - can be quite a work out? They are good heart-rate boosters. What do you do when your child refuses your delicious gourmet and wants a carrot stick or plain bread? Talk to a nutritionist to make sure your child is gaining healthy weights and there is no medical issue. Some children lose vitamins and nutrients because they are not eating right. The go-to solution is let your toddler or preschoolers eat what they want to eat, and look at other ways of introducing new tastes. Some kids even enjoy food exploration and the choosiness is merely a phase. Here are tips from USC's Bernioff Hospital to ease the emotional struggle stemming from your child's choosy eating habits It gets easier. Yes…it gets better. What if you are the one struggling with low appetite - you don't feel like eating. Not even your favorite meal. Visit your primary care physician because it could be a symptom of something more serious. In addition, women experience low appetite during post-pregnancy and their time of the month. Stay hydrated and snack on fruits throughout the day.
#4 Yelling
Raising our voices seem to be our way of getting our children's attention. The other day I spoke to a mother who tried the No-Yelling challenge and was not able to complete it. She said it didn't work. I asked her: "Did you sincerely try?" "Well, the first hour was a mess. I tried talking calmly and my kids looked at me like I was unserious. They thought something was wrong with me." She answered. "So what happened?" I asked. "They waited for my yelling before doing what I asked. They're just used to my voice that way." That is the issue - the rush of hormones as a response to their disobedience or lack of action. The yelling had become habitual. She felt the need and drive to scream at the kids; it's so much become a drill. What happens to a mom who is unable to speak? Or another possible scenario: what do you do when you have laryngitis or you lose your voice? Do you still accomplish tasks? Do you stop parenting because you can't shout? No. In the same manner, it is possible to parent a child without screaming. It may take weeks or even months to break the subconscious habit of shout as a response to result, but it is possible. Read our No Yelling Challenge e-book, a short guide to thriving in your family.
#3 Constant Worrying
"What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
Constant Worrying: One of Jesus' disciples, Matthew, recounted his teachings. In the above quote, he reminded us that the thoughts of 'what will happen?' 'how?' 'what are we going to do?' will come. But do not take hold of it. In other words, do not ponder or meditate on it. When the thoughts come, remind yourself that God knows what you need before you know what you need. The Message version of this quote (cited above) is a great reply to worry. Stressing over that situation will not change it. Remember, if you can change it, then change it. If you cannot change it, then why worry? Always keep in mind the words of Jesus (in our modern language): "What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving....God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." That is the best way to put it." What a great way to say 'stop worrying!"
#2 Sleep Deprivation
From the moment you discovered you were pregnant and the pregnancy symptoms kicked in, you knew your life would never remain the same again. You are totally right. There is an African Proverb that 'a child that does not wants his parents to sleep must not go to sleep either." It means sleep deprivation is common with new parents; even if this is your fifth child, don't be surprised if her sleeping pattern is different from her older siblings. Should you do that laundry, cooking, and quickly clean now that the toddler is taking a nap? Or should you put your butt down on a seat or bed and sleep? The struggle is real! "Kids are like their parents -- they're not getting enough sleep," said Richard Kravitz, MD, a pediatrician and director of the Pediatric Sleep Medicine Program at Duke University School of Medicine in Durham, N.C. "Kids are not little adults and kids need more sleep than adults. You want to have good sleep hygiene, which means good quantity and good quality." Catch your zzzs whenever possible. Your body needs the rest just as much your child does. According to the National Sleep Foundation, children aged 3-5 need about 11 to 13 hours of sleep every night. In addition, many preschoolers nap during the day, with naps ranging between one and two hours per day. Children often stop napping after five years of age.
#1 Am I Doing This Right?
Am I doing this right? One of the questions parents all over the world constantly ask themselves is: "Am I doing this right?" More mothers than fathers struggle with the emotions that come from the feelings of "You're not good enough" or "you will screw this up". Especially for a mom who perhaps had a rough childhood or survived child abuse or trauma, it can be rather difficult. Now you have this little one who depends on you. How do you get it right? You're not perfect. That is the first reality. Let me tell you this: you've got this. As long as you are learning and growing, your child will thank you for it. A child's blooming process is not dependent on a parent who is doing her part to care and guide the child. There are plenty of resources to build your self-esteem and surround you with a community of other women who are learning along the way - just like you. Whenever you feel like you don't know what to do, trust God's spirit to guide you and teach you. He is the best helper any mom can ask for.
Conclusion – Emotional Health
Give me the grace to live each day to the fullest - with purpose and walking in love. Grant me the strength to be kind to others, especially the little ones around me.
One of the fruits of living a life that is pleasing to God is self-control. It is one of the proofs that we belong to Jesus Christ. What does that mean? When we truly surrender your life to Him, he gives us a supernatural ability to control the self-centered and self-consumption part of us. Let Him guide you on how to overcome these emotional challenges. It is a process, and it will take time. As you listen to what He has to tell you in scripture and through mentors, you will notice that you are being transformed. There are plenty of professional resources available online. This is different. It is a lens of spiritual perspective into the daily challenges mom face in emotional health. The best answer always is prayer.
Our Father in Heaven, I thank you for creating my body - my emotions, will, mind, and heart. Give me the grace to live each day to the fullest - with purpose and walking in love. Grant me the strength to be kind to others, especially the little ones around me. I pray that my character and words will show love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. Amen.